if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
