God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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