plz talk dirty to me
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
