Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
