Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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