I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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