We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
