you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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