Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
