porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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