i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
