just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
