If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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