If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
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