OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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