I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Quick, to the slutcave!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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