god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
