Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
