He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
my sisters under your porch take her home
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
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