its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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