I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
