I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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