; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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