I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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