Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We had sex on a dog bed..
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
