so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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