p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Randomize
