Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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