You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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