She is in my trunk
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You dont lie about slip and slides
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
