Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
