I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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