I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
