so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
