final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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