Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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