we have officially lost it.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
