I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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