Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
