just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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