You smell like stripper and shame
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
i now understand why vodka
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
