Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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