maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
