don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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