i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
