We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
