when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
