I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
