i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
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