Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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