My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
where are my eyebrows?
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