I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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