do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
