She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
