So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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